The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
