If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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