Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
