At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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