I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
