Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i permit you to call me
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
