I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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