If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
