he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
