Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
