I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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