hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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