2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
