i think i have two assholes
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
