dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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