Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
