Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
