I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
