woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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