i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
