i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
