Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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