so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
