i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
