I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
