I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
