Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
