so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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