but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
