I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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