Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
