dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
