One girl and one boy is just not enough.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
