Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
