you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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