Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
