So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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