PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
