The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
