im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
