What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
