puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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