i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
