i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
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