if only i could text you this smell
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
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There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
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Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
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