she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
