There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
