Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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