dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
