And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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