wanna go halves on a baby?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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