At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
