Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
