Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
