Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
