So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
