he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
