I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
