thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
