he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
