i woke up with socks on this morning
i didnt wear socks last night
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.