she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated