You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
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dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.