Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
