Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

If i come over, it means nothing

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(630): View more from Illinois

The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.

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(248): View more from Michigan

the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.

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(404): View more from Georgia

What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(410): View more from Maryland

remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.

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(510): View more from California

stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work

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(406): View more from Montana

It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.

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(515): View more from Iowa

I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship

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(212): View more from New York

Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys

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