You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?