You don't have asthma, your pregnant
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
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Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
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Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
USA USA USA