dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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