I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
