Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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