dude i'm inner monologue high
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
