i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
